| OK...so its been awhile. I've been just a wee bit busy. At present, I am unable to sleep because of too much caffeine in my system(thank you finals). I have kicked the insomnia though. For the first time since I can remember, I can actually take naps during the day.
I am enjoying being a mom. I am not enjoying being a student and a mom though. I think I tell Janelle and Mary every week(every day) that I dont want to be in school anymore. Just one more year and then hopefully it will all be worth it.
I enjoy discovering blessings through everyday happenings. I am so blessed that I dont even realize to the full extent everything I have on so many levels. I was reading the Purpose Driven Life today and it was talking about what drives people- guilt, anger, fear etc and as I read the words and engaged in self examination, i realized just how far God has brought me. I remember being so lonely i didnt know how to handle it, i remember being so so angry that it ate at my stomach, i remember being so afraid of judgement that everything i did it was like two people were in my head saying what everyone was thinking, or could be thinking, or should be thinking(im not skitso). And yeah, i still like to be around people and get antsy when im alone too long. and yeah i do get angry, and of course i still am a little self conscious...but its so different. It doesnt drive me. It doesnt rule my life and my actions. It doesnt define my happiness and sense of fulfillment.
I was watching 21 grams, which was a totally different movie than i thought, but a good one. Anyway, they portray Christians in an all to common "holy roller, bible thumpin' " manner. And it was sad because a lot of the script was truth, but you could tell that the directors/writers intentions were not to spread the truth, but to mock Christ. But the message of the movie is that so much is lost when someone dies. They say that you lose 21 grams of weight when you die, and the movie's point was that there is so much contained in that 21 grams(love, memories, pain, etc.) And it got me thinking. First I began to think of what would happen if Trevor and Noah died and I was still alive and how much that would wreck me. Then I began to think, so much is gained in that 21 grams. Maybe you lose 21 grams when you die, but if you love Christ and have a heart devoted to Him, you gain LIFE!! you dont die. You just start eternity which is going to be beyond our imagination. Prophets couldnt even describe the glimpse they received through visions....and this world is sooooo wrapped up in making the most of this life...when in actuallity, this is Preschool! we are learning to fingerpaint and fill cups with sand while awaiting us in eternity is van gogh and sand castles(the kinds that win awards!). If we tried to fit our lifes happiness, satisfaction, acheivement into these 70 or so years, it would be as if Charles Dickens life's work was See Jane Run. There is so much more!!!
Anyway, I am so rambling. But isnt that the whole point of this thing. Thanks for reading. CYA |
anyhoo, im new at this and with sleep deprevation for an uncreative cat like me, comes a complete lack of concentration...so ill end here